Saturday, January 4, 2003


Avril Lavigne came on the radio today while I was driving - surprise surprise. American and other non-Canadian readers will know who I'm talking about, I think, because I've now seen her on the cover of Teen People and Seventeen magazines, for reasons passing understanding. Does no one realize that there's absolutely nothing interesting about this girl? There are people who complain that she's taken the rebellion out of girls wearing neckties, but what was ever really in that? Come on. All the girls did it in the eighties, man. You were just distracted by their hair.

And as for the fact that she doesn't smile, well, she looks like she didn't get an MP3 player for her birthday, not like she's in a perpetual state of ruminating on society's ills. I mean, this is a girl who went on the Tonight Show and told Jay Leno that the house where The Shining was filmed is really haunted, because she went snowboarding around there, and, like, the trees were, like, looking at her.

I came across an article on stating that Avril kept "the public spotlight fixed on her" by lambasting Britney Spears's claim to virginity, and subsequently claiming that she and Britney are nothing alike (check out their official sites side-by-side, by the way - they're both provided here, and they look pretty much exactly the same).

Christ Almighty.

Does anyone care whether or not Britney Spears is a virgin anymore? Like, anyone? She's twenty years old! Stop telling her how to live her life! LET HER HAVE A VOICE! Oh, whatever.

Anyway, Avril's right: she's not entirely like Britney. My feeling is that if Britney and Eminem had a daughter (not entirely out of the question), Avril Lavigne would happen all over again. She'd have her mommy's big eyes and her daddy's big pout.

I've gotten way off track here. What I meant to share with you was my revelation that I now know what growing up is: it's listening to Avril Lavigne on the radio, and thinking about how much younger she is than you, and realizing that she got a record deal and you didn't, and that she's got everything to live for, and you're about to lose control of your car. Do you ever get that feeling? That even though you've been driving for years, and there's barely any traffic, and conditions are excellent, you're just going to fly off the road, and that it's an act of God, but that your insurance will go up because of it? Yeah, Avril Lavigne does that to me.

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